South America

La Paz
La Paz did not do it for me . I am not sure what I was looking for but whatever it was I did not find it in La Paz . I suppose both me and Nikki are becoming a bit bored with cities and we prefer smaller places and nature parks . A couple more months of travelling and we will have turned into treehuggers .
This will probably not interest anyone but I will write about it anyway because it was the most important thing I had to do in La Paz . I went shoeshopping in Bolivia´s capital . That sounds easy enough but let me tell you that when you have size 45 this can prove to be quite difficult . Most of the shop attendants just laughed at me when they saw those two monsters I call feet . One even winked at Nikki and called her a lucky girl . She did not have any shoes in my size though . In the end I was forced to go to a shop which specializes in clowns shoes . So here I was . About to go into the jungle with a pair of oversized clownsshoes which happened to be the only pair I could find that kind of fitted me .
In La Paz we met Rosa Maria . This spirited lady has many interesting stories to tell . When she was young slavery still existed in certain parts of Bolivia . Maybe this knowledge fuelled Rosas need to fight injustice .
I suppose Rosa is a typical child of the sixties . Full of idealism and an urge to make the world a better place . She has been involved in the emancipation of ingeneous people who were not officialy recognised untill the nineteen nineties . But her main concern is the conservation of the rainforest . She helped set up Madidi Park and her new baby is Serrere . This will be our next destination .

Serrere
This may not be the most beautiful place we have been so far but it is the most tranquil and our favourite . The lodge we stay in is build next to a lake . There are a couple of more lakes further away in the forest . The lodge is about three hours by boat from Rurrenabaque , the nearest village .
We spend our days here hiking through the forest watching the birds and monkeys , canoeing on the lakes and fishing for Piranha´s . There are many Caimen in the lakes . At night when you are canoeing through the lakes you can see the millions of stars sparkling in the sky and fire flies sparkling in the foliage on the shore . Sometimes you see red lights in the water . These are the eyes of the Caimen .
Our guide is amazing with recreating the animal sounds . He teaches me some of the sounds . After two days I am an expert on the female mating call of the caiman . When I call out every male caiman in a two mile radius gets a hard on . And that I think is what nature conservation should be all about . Giving the animals a great time .
Back in Rurrenabaque we buy some bananabread from the bananabreadman . The bananabreadmans bicycle has a sign which says ´delicious bananabread´and underneath it ´the DaVinci code is ridiculous´. When you buy something he will tell you a conspiracy story . He has a different one for every day of the year .
On our last night in Rurrenabaque we get totally drunk and I end up almost buying the bar . You heard it right . Yours truly was almost the proud owner of a bar called Pachamama in the jungle in Bolivia . Luckily I have a smart girlfriend who inquired if the bar actualy made money . It did not which looking back does not surprise me as our friend Kitt never paid his tab .

Potosi
Red coloured mountains loom over worlds highest city , Potosi . Almost five hundred years ago silver was discovered in these mountains and that discovery let to Potosi´s glory and tragedy . At the height of its growth Potosi counted two hundred thousand citizens which was more then Paris or New York . It was also more wealthy then the two cities combined . Rumour has it that with all the silver found around Potosi a bridge could have been built from South America to Spain . Whatever the truth is the excavation took its toll . Over eight million miners died uncovering the richness . There is something intriguing about Potosi . Because it towers 4090 meters above sealevel you are constantly gasping for air . Once is must have been a beautiful city but now the beauty is fading . What is left for you to see are some interesting churches and a museum which used to be the Royal Mint . And of course the famous mines which nowadays mainly produce zinc and lead and where the working conditions hardly have improved in the last five hundred years .

Uyuni
The trip from Potosi to Uyuni is noteworthy for two things . The breathtaking mountain scenery and the numerous ghost towns you travel through . When we were still quite a distance removed from Uyuni the city already announced itself by its litter . That is the way you know in Bolivia that you are approaching a town . The garbage gives it away . For example Uyunin is set in the middle of a sand and plastic bottle desert .

Southwest Bolivia
All the great painters combined could not have come up with such fantastic colour combinations . Everytime you think the scenery will not get better the 4 wheeldrive turns a corner and you see a mountain which is even more fiery red or a lake which has such strange colours you think the cook has slipped some LSd in the lunch you just ate .
Our guide tells us that NASA sends scientist to this area because it resembles the surface of Mars . From now on Mars is my favourite planet .
After a drive through the worlds biggest salt flat which by the way resembles a polar landscape and a visit to Isla Inca Huasi with its cactusses which seem to be taken from a western movie we travel to a small blue lake where flamingoes are feeding on algae in the freezing cold . From there we make our way through a mountaines landscape to Volcanoe Ollague and Laguna Colorade , a big red lake . We stay the night at the lake . During the night the temperature drops to minus 15 degrees . The next day we go to Laguna Verde near the Chilean border . On the way we pass the Rocas de Dali named after the famous mad painter . We bath in the the Termas de Polques which are pleasantly warm while the outside temperature is around freezing point . Back in Uyuni the five year old son of the hotel owner has to show us how to heat up the water for the shower so we can defrost our butts .

Oruro
Lama fetuses in all kind of sizes and carnival masks . That is what we saw in Oruro

The main reason we have come to Samaipata is the pre Inca site El Fuerte . It basicly is a huge slab of stone wich is carved up with puma and serpent designs . There are two parallel grooves on top of the 100 meter long stone which made Erich von Daniken believe that this is actually a landing site of alien spaceships . But then this man also believed that human evolution is manipulated by genetic engineering by aliens . So I would not put too much faith in his words .
We are staying in a hostel called Posadas del Sol which is such a nice relaxing place that we decide to stay two days longer then intended .
From Samaipata we take a bus to Vallegrande . Slowly but surely we are making our way up to the highlands , Vallegrande is best known for being the last resting place of Che Guevara . That is till 1997 when what was left of his body was transferred to Cuba . Guevara was executed on 9 october 1967 in a small place called La Higuerra after a long chase by the Bolivian army through the mountains of the Santa Cruz department .
In Vallegrande we visit the hospital where Guevaras dead body was displayed in the laundry room . To get to the hospital we have to follow a street which is lined with funeral parlours . At the hospital itself we have to take a path which leads to the back into the garden . It passes some small buildings in which patients are lying in beds . When we pass their window some of them waive at us. The laundry room is now covered in graffiti done by Che admirers . Behind the laundry room there is another building in which soldiers cut off Guevaras hands so no one could identify him by his fingerprints . When Guevara was marching through this region he was met with mistrust and suspicion by the locals . But when he was dead and his body was displayed in this laundry room local women noticed that he looked a bit like Jesus Christ . It seems ironicly to me that the communist rebel only got the recognition of the local campesinos he craved for in death when he resembled the spearhead of a cult he must have despised .
Near the hospital there is a museum dedicated to Che Guevara . The museum consists of two rooms with dozens of pictures of his dead body . So I can tell you that unlike Elvis Guevara is dead . We learned in the museum that when he was captured Guevara wore three pair of socks . I can see why because it can be awfully cold here and with his asthma he could have caught a terrible cold .
After visiting the place where he was clandestinely buried for 30 years we take a bus to Sucre . We travel by the old trade route . Not many travellers come this way and we soon find out why . At eight in the evening we get dumped in a tiny village and we get told to be at the busstop the next morning at six . Threre is only one hotel in town and when we see it we seriously think about going to the local police station and ask then if we can sleep in a cell . The room we get at the hotel is ensuite . The toilet is covered in brown stains . I cannot determine if it are shit stains or if someone ate a package of tobacco and puked it all out . The bedroom smells like a couple of rats have died here recently . Needless to say we are very relieved when the alarmclock goes off at five .
I liked ´the Athens of the Americas´, Sucre , ´the White City´. Maybe I liked it so much because of the festivities that were in place for the towns birthday . Half the town was marching through the streets while the other half watched them . Apart from the military there were guilds of every profession lifting their feet to sound of the drums . Even the clowns dared to risk their unhealthy white skin to the burning sun .
Sucre is also called ´the Cradle of Liberty´. We visited the Casa de la Libertad to see a copy of the declaration of independence and a portrait of Simon de Bolivar which he claimed was the most life like representation ever done of him . I will now tell you something which you cannot read in any guidebook . Simon de Bolivar looked like the Artist formerly known as Prince . He only has sideburns and a higher forehead . Also he must have been a sexy motherfucker because he had quite a few lovers . Simon de Bolivar is one of South America most charismatic sons . Without setting a foot in Alto Peru its inhabitants named the newly liberated country after him and made him first president . While it was Antonio Jose de Sucre who did the work .
We end our stay in Sucre with a bit of B&B . That is not Big Brother . B&B stands for Bolivian Blues . There cant be too many Blues bands in this country though as one of the three bands performing we already saw in Santa Cruz . The bandmembers recognise us also . After the performance the singer comes over to us and asks me if I am a producer . Because he is buying the drinks I do not deny it .

Everyday there is a demonstration in Bolivia . When we arrived at our hotel in Santa Cruz the first thing we saw was a group of disabled people protesting just outside the hotel in front of the social heath services . They had set up camp . There was a outdoor kitchen and they had set up a TV for the children they had brought along .
On our first night in the city we went looking for an evening shop where we could buy some beers . We found a small shop a couple of blocks from the hotel which sold beer which was not kept cold . As it was the only shop we could find we bought some and walked back to the hotel . When we rang the bell of the hotel in order to wake up the concierge a cripple with a crutch walked over to us . He said something in either Quechua or Aymara I am not sure . What I do know is that it was not Spanish . We answered that we did not understand him . He pointed at the plastic bag with beers , said something else , shrugged and walked off . Then the concierge opened the door and we went inside ..
The next day we explored the city . Santa Cruz is not especially beautiful but it is interesting to compare it with the rest of Bolivia as it stands out somewhat . It seems more modern and quick paced . In the evening we went to look for a cinema . Now there is something strange with the cinemas in Santa Cruz . Or at least the two we found .The first socalled cinema we got to was named Universal Pictures . When we got inside there were some young people standing in a badly illuminated hallway . Spiderman , I asked them . No Jesus Christ or lord they replied pointing at a statue I could only faintly make out of a man on a cross . We smiled politely and backed out .
The next cinema was called Olympia . It was closed when we got there . When we walked away from the locked doors a girl came over and pointed at a building across the street . The church is over there , she said . We thanked her politely and walked of wondering what happened to Tinseltown in Bolivia .
We went back to the hotel but not before stopping at the evening shop for some beer . At the hotel a little later the cripple was waiting for us . Again he pointed at the bag and said something . Maybe he would like a beer we thought but when we offered he declined , smiled and walked off muttering to himself .
The third and last day we did not do much . In the afternoon we went for a walk and stopped at our usual shop for some beers . At the hotel the cripple was waiting but this time he had brought a friend . The cripple said something to the young man and he translated for us in English . ¨He says that the shop you always go in the evening is shit . The beer is warm and overpriced . There is a much better shop over there . ¨He pointed behind him towards a small alleyway we had not seen before . Then they both laughed and walked away . I could just hear the young man saying to the cripple ´Gringos ! ´.

In 1537 a crack commando unit of the Spanish crown was threatened by a hostile Indian tribe for crimes they probably did commit . These men prombtly escaped in the Paraguayan underground . Still wanted by the Querandi Indians they survive as soldiers of fortune . If you have a problem , if no one else can help , and if you can find them maybe you can hire the Pedro Mendoza expedition .

As you may have noticed I changed the opening lines of the TV series the A team a bit . The reason I did this is that the some of the surviving stories of the first European conquerors read like boybooks . The Pedro Mendoza expedition did have to flee modern day Buenos Aires and started a settlement in what is now Ascunsion . The local Guarani Indians were quick to employ their gunpowder and in exchange for food and loads of women the Spaniards fought with the Guarani against the Guaycuru who lived in the Chaco . Today 95% of the Praguayans are Mestizo . That is of Guarani and Spanish descent .

Asuncion
I suppose that both me and Nikki were looking for something more challenging after all this time in Argentina . So we decided to go to Paraguay . Our stop at the border already deserves mentioning . The busdriver would not let us get off . Instead he took our passports and went up to the immigration office . In the mean time many people came on the bus to offer their services . We could change money and we got offered watches , radios , maria statues and a half plucked chicken .
Asuncion is a bit disappointing . The palace de Gobierno is quite beautiful though . Luckily for us Francia is not in charge anymore for if he was we would have been shot just looking at the building . Across from the restaurant we used to go for coffee there is the Pantheon de los Heroes . Francisco Solano Lopez is buried here . I cannot help wondering why they gave him such a honourable resting place . This man started the war of the triple alliance . He declared war on Argentina , Brazil and Bolivia at the same time . After five years of fighting Paraguay had lost a quarter of its soil and half of its population .

Conception
We arrive on a sunday afternoon . There is a party going on in town . People on motorcycles race past . Pick up trucks drive by with people on the back and big sound systems blaring eurotrash music . We are in our hotel on the balcony overlooking the street .
After ten minutes we are covered in dust and move back inside .
We have decided to take a boat out on the Rio Paraguay . On monday we get the tickets and some supplies , ie hammocks , food and water . The next day we decide to queu up early . The boat leaves at 11.00 and we decide to be on the docks at 09.30 to secure hammock space . Unfortunately my watch is not working well and we arrive at 10.30 . By that time the boat is packed with people and footstalls where you can buy drinks , fast food , vegetables , fruit , blocks of ice for the mate , meat and half dead chickens . This does not leave much room for us . The only space we can find for our backpacks is under the workbench of the machinist . For ourselves we have to be satisfied with being squashed between some bales of rice and some polystrene boxes which the people use as fridges to keep their drinks cold . This trip is supposed to take three days and God knows why we do not jump straight off the ship . When the ship finally starts to move people start to settle down and surprisingly enough after five hours we manage to find a place to sit on a wooden bench . By this time it is four oclock and we are drenched in sweat . We are sitting right accross from the engine room and the hot exhaustion fumes are blowing past our heads . Our ears are ringing from the sound of the engine . Needless to say there is no way we can find a space for the hammocks . This turns out to be one hell of a journey . We are sharing the bench with some older men who are all carrying a lot of cargo which they will try to sell allong the river . I start a conversation with a young doctor who works in a small hospital in one of the villages we will pass . The Rio Paraguay runs roughly allong the border with Brazil towards Bolivia . This is Paraguays poorest area . Apparently there is no Dengue fever nor Malaria here . The biggest problems the doctor faces are infections . Apparently he has quite a bit of amputating to do .
There are many interesting characters on board . One man has us all in stitches . He keeps offering us cold beers from his polystrene fridge . A bearded man joins our group . It is obvious that everyone is very respectfull towards him . It turns out that he is a Polish priest who has lived here for the last 32 years . And then there is the machinist who has the hairiest back I have ever seen on a man (or woman for that matter) . He has the walls of the engine room decorated with posters of half naked girls advertising Fortin rum .
We get off at Vallemi and backtrack to Conception by bus . When we buy the ticket we get told that that this is el autobus rapido. It takes the bus 8 hours to cover the distance of 180 kms. Altough I have to say that this is including the hour we have to wade through a farmers field to a dryer stretch of road as the bus cannot drive a particular part of muddy road with people inside it .
Back in Concepcion it is almost weekend and a party is about to kick off . People on motorcycles race past . Pick up trucks drive by with people on the back and big sound systems blaring eurotrash music . We are sitting at a roadside restaurant . A kid walkes over to us . He is selling candy . When we tell him that we are not interested he starts to become argumentative and he tries to bully us into buying something . I worked with a guy in Ireland who I suspect used to be a candyseller in his youth and not a very good one at that . I tell the kid that when he keeps this up he will grow into a small , mean old man with a belly and a bald patch . That shuts the kid up .

Filadelfia
Farms , barns and farmhouses that look like barns . You guessed it . Filadelfia is a farming community . Around 15000 Mennonites are living in and around Filadelfia and their first language is German . The Mennonites dont smoke and dont drink . Strangely enough the prizes for cigarettes and booze are lower then in the rest of the country . So we do some shopping in the local supermarket and lock ourselves in our room . One bottle of rum later and I try to write about our adventures . There is a lot of cursing when I cannot find the correct words . In the mean time Nikki is playing a Tom Waits song on her I pod loud enough for me to hear . ´The piano has been drinking . Not me ...´

Apart from the Mennonites there are some other communities worth mentioning in Paraguay . In 1887 Friedrich Nietzsche´s sister Theresa together with her husband and 14 other families start Nueva Germania near the Brazilian border . Their objective is a pure Aryan settlement . The colony is still there . And in the eighties the Moonies bought a whole village near the Bolivian border .